Maybe it’s because I was the youngest in my family. Maybe it’s because I’m 5-foot-3 and have a voice like snow white, but I lash out like a cornered rattlesnake when someone doesn’t take me seriously.
I will take good-natured teasing, a friendly disagreement, moderate proselytizing, even a heavy-handed agenda, but patronize me and you’d be better off bull whipped.
A Southern California real estate agent found that out last week. He played the there-there-little-lady-you-can’t-possibly-understand-the-big-complicated-world-of-home-sales card with me.
At issue was the pricing of my parents’ home. Mom and Dad moved into assisted living last May. I’m in charge of selling their house — a responsibility that feels greater than selling my own home along with my children.
“We’re not in a hurry,” I told the agent. “We’d like to get as much as we can for it.”
I had looked over recent sales in the neighborhood, and viewed the virtual tours. I had a sense of what the place should sell for. I asked for what he’d list the house for as is, and fixed up. (Though in good repair, the house needs cosmetic help.)
I itemized the improvements I had in mind: Scrape the cottage cheese ceilings, take down the flowered wallpaper, paint the interior and the kitchen cabinets, put in new flooring, replace the wimpy baseboards, and trade dated light fixtures for recessed cans and dowdy drapes for wood blinds.
The agent came back with an as-is price so low a monkey could sell it at a pawn shop. His fixed-up estimate was even more ridiculous, and clearly meant to discourage the effort so he could nab a quick listing.
Given his “extensive” experience, he said, the improvements “if all is done in good taste” (excuse me?) would cost around $30,000 and take months. The upgrades would only boost the selling price by $25,000 at most, so we’d lose money, he said. Forget it.
Ba-lo-ney. I had estimates in hand. Total costs would come in less than $15,000, and all could be done in three weeks. Another broker I consulted believed the listed improvements would increase the value by at least $50,000.
Does the guy think I have the IQ of oatmeal? I coolly confront him.
Trip. Cough. Sputter. Back pedal. Tune change. He shoots back a pathetic apology, and ups the “new-improved” sales price by another $25,000.
Too late. The fact that he would take advantage of my parents makes my ears smoke.
I run all this by Bill Wood, a Yorba Linda real estate agent and long-time family friend, who’s heard it all before.
“For most homeowners, their home is their biggest asset. For an agent it’s just a listing,” said Wood, who in addition to selling homes, owns 59 homes that he has fixed up and rents.
To an agent making a 3 percent commission, the difference between selling a home for $300,000 or $330,000 is the difference between making $3,000 and $3,900. While that difference may not be worth the extra time and effort, for a homeowner $30,000 can be huge.
Now before every real estate agent in the country writes to tell me about how honorable he or she is, I know good, honest real estate agents exist. I have worked with them. But every profession — including real estate — has its sleezeballs. And sellers need to look out for them.
Sellers also need to find that sweet spot when fixing up their home for sale — that level of improvement that will help the home sell faster, net the most money and eliminate reasons for buyers to lowball you, said Wood.
In addition to Wood, I also asked my real estate savvy friends Susan and Michael Beane, who own a property investment firm that buys homes to fix up and sell, for their thoughts on how to improve — but not over-improve — a property you’re fixing to sell:
Syndicated columnist and speaker Marni Jameson is the author of “House of Havoc” and “The House Always Wins” (Da Capo Press). Contact her through marnijameson.com.