Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Shame on you, coach


It’s hard to believe that the animosity that the El Dorado coach has against the Vista Del Lago coach would carry over to a simple act of asking for a home run baseball.

Today my son Nick hit his first home run in all the years he has been playing the game. He is a senior and let’s just say the window of opportunity has been closing before the bat and glove get put away. The home run meant nothing to the outcome of the score of the game. I, being the parent like all of us that have watched your son play from tee ball through Little League, and if you’re lucky enough, continue on through high school, have been waiting oh so long for this moment.

Well it finally happened. When I went to ask for the ball for keepsake, Mr. McDonald — I have a hard time calling him coach — responded, “Sir, we don’t do that up here.”

Wow, Mr. McDonald, I hope you don’t feel the kick in gut I felt when you said that to me. Well maybe I do. I have a bucket full of balls in my garage and trust me I don’t need another but that “one” ball would have been on my mantle for the rest of my life.


Letters to the Editor


Discussion | 12 comments

  • Kim ItemApril 22, 2013 - 12:03 pm

    Dear Tim, I am so sorry you had this happen to you. I too am a parent. I have 4 sons who all have played baseball. My sons have always been given the gameball when they have hit their homerun. Some games it has been more than one homerun they, my sons have hit homeruns. My sons were always picked for All-stars and were called on to be the powerhitters since a very young age. I am thankful. I have seen more homerun hits from my 4 boys than any other children here in EDH. I am very grateful for that gift my sons have and we moved here to EDH with. I do not take it for granted as even as I write this I am humbled to share that with you. MY son Derek Item was written up in the Total Sports magazine Sacramento last year on page 22. My son Derek who led the team with a .530 batting average. We as a family came to EDC from the bay area with this God-Given Gift that comes with much peace in order to use it. Some, of the baseball coaches -I have seen do give my sons the home-run ball they hit over the fence and the coaches do write on the ball and hand it I see to my son Derek Item. Yet, Sadly -I do see though in other ways the bullying is different for me and for my son Derek. It is not the giving & keeping of the home-run game ball here in EDH -No, it is the verbal abuse & bullying that is so bad here in EDH. I see that it is done to children in sports and even the schools here in EDH, and sadly it is very bad here. Verbal Bullying by leaders to children and especially in the sports & To The players by 'some' of the coaches and even by 'some' the team players is not good at all. I see the children then pick up the bullying "spirit" to bully other children/team players from seeing the adults/parents/coaches/school staff doing it to them. It is robbing the children of their peace and power. It "cuts them off". Their performance is school and sports is hindered. -Yes, sadly -It is different here in EDC than it is back in the bay area where my boys started out playing baseball, and it was fun and coaches made it fun for the kids. Now, my son Derek is in Juniors EDH baseball. I as Derek Item's mom, I have been so verbally bullied here by the men especially, men who are power hungry (like with your son's coach) and even some of the school leaders that I cannot even go to watch my son Derek play baseball anymore or even go watch my son Derek play football anymore. I cannot even go to a school function as it is that bad & It is sad because they, some of the EDH leaders, are so "powerhungry" here in EDH. So bad that as you yourself experienced it too first hand with the "powerstruggle" to even give up the ball your son should have now in his room as all my own 4 sons all have in their rooms. Yes, bullying children, -It Is SAD & Bullying comes in many forms, and that ball you were ripped off from having for your son to keep, I believe was rightfully your sons to have. Yet, it was "stolen" from you, and as I read your letter your peace was stolen too, and I am sure your son's peace too. Just another form, as I see it, as bullying. -Yes, just another form of bullying to take from our children, our sons, and even moms like me, what is not theirs, the bully, to take away from us. It is what is teaching our children to go out and bully others in society as adults (Boston, and other tragedies) committed by children who have been bullied. I see that many leaders and coaches, and dads do it here in EDH with a smile on their face, but inwardly they have jelousy, hate, malice and anything else that they can project outwardly at you that can be done or said to your face to cause hurt and pain and rob you of your peace. -One incident to give you is It happened to me in my sons All-Star Game last year. It was the worst bullying ever. I was bullied by a dad in the bleachers just as my son Derek was up to bat. This dad was once a baseball coach to my son Derek in the past. This dad hated my son Derek with a passion, but tried so hard to hide it within. This same coach and dad had verbally abused my son Derek in the past when he coached Derek. I saw this coach and his very own son screaming at my son Derek in the dug out when we first moved here. I hope it was not for the fact that we were not Mormon. I knew they were Mormons. I was raised a Christian. and now I saw them both were trying to rob my son Derek from the very start of his peace within. It was horrible for me to see this happening to my son Derek when we first moved here, and also to my other 3 sons. I was hurt, and so was he, Derek. It was very emotionally painful, as you know. I saw in this dads face and his sons face so much anger, a dad and his son working as team bullies together, both of whom I could see who were filled with jelousey, hatred, and malice for my son Derek and the gift in sports my son Derek came here to EDH with and Derek posses even now. I had even gone to their Mormon church religious function I was invited to to be nice and get to know the Mormon church and people and I received the Mormons, and their church congregants into my house to be accepting. Sadly, it was later as the years went by, the bullying & abuse got worse and worse, and then I saw their hatred towards me grow worse and worse as the dad last year at All-Stars baseball my son Derek was picked to play in once again -this dad and past coach of Derek's was in full anger and hatred within as he came and sat down right next to my husband and I but then he attacked verbally with all his inward hatred that then was directed at me as he came after me. I just stayed very still as did my husband. It was just awful. This same bully dad/past coach came up sat down and he then directed to me, he spoke all his "bad" into my heart, mind and deep within me and it stole my peace, and my son Derek's peace that day. It ripped my heart right out as I felt within my stomach so much pain at that moment. Then this dad/past coach to Derek then walked away immediately once the damage was done and he had robbed from me and my son Derek our peace as he left when all his "bad" had been done to me, and to my son Derek. Derek is struggling even now. I am saddened to see it happening to other children too. Since we moved here my son Derek has struggled with so much verbal bullying it has greatly affected him. Yet, Derek keeps on going, even as his peace has been ripped out, and stolen from him. Mine too! Oh yes, it hurts! God restores though. I do not let the Mormons anywhere near me or my family now that I see they are wolves in sheep clothing. I did in the beginning as I was fooled. But now I see that many of the Mormons here are just bullies ripping out the peace from others who are not Mormon like them. The Mormons like this man was very accepting at first, then slowly he was turning into Bully mode I see once he had made a false deceitful "friendship" connection with you. I wish I had never gone to that last all star game, but it was a learning experience for me to tech my 4 sons. Oh have I had LOTS and LOTS of those learning experiences here in EDH & EDC. Had I known and seen it coming, the wolf in sheep's clothing was going to do that to me, and bully me, I would have stayed away for my sons sake. I know he is high up in the Mormon church. At least I have been told that here in EDH -but to me I see now after living here for almost 5 years now and learning the hard way that being Mormon is not a right or a license to steal peace and/or power from others, and bully others, that are not "your own" and especially the children. MY mom and dad raised me to do unto others...But- here I see other moms, like me, who have been robbed of our peace by the Mormon church people, and have not grown up here to learn this from a young age -Sadly we have learned to just stay away from the Mormons at least the ones I have met who are bullies. -Those moms like me who do not go to their sons games for this very reason. The bullying is that bad here I see. I do not even answer my phone either, I let it go to voice mail since the bullies try to bully by phone too. I have learned that too the hard way. I also see the bullying is not reserved for just the EDC/EDH schools and sports teams but the bullying I see and have experienced it is in the businesses too in EDC. I go online as much as I can. Even dentist here. I had my dentist for over 20 years the same one in the bay area. Here in EDC I have been through at least 7 or 8 dentist here in EDC. Once they, the dentist get you in their dental chair they bully you verbally and rob your peace from you. One dentist told me in Placerville to go have a beer or two at the local Placerville bar and come back then, he wanted me drunk-I ran out of that one as the receptionist ran after me apologizing to me for his behavior. Another dentist talked about his love affair for Fergie the singer and all his lust affairs with other women as he blasted his rock and roll music in my ear, and I could see him masterbating with one hand in the chair while I lay there in his dental chair here in EDH. My crown he put in is not right, but I will live with it since to go back would be more of my peace taken from me. That dentist -He too is a baseball/soccer coach here in EDH, and MARRIED, yikes!... Yes, I am saddened by what I have seen in the last 5 years living here in EDH. I could go on and I will possibly write a book one day even as I have told my husband its more than enough. It is Very Very sad indeed! I will try to think of the good, and that can be my next e-mail/blog letter. Hang in their Tim! That is what I do when I see and I go through ALL the bad happening especially here in EDC -EDH to our children & even the women by grown adult men, especially, I just hope and pray it gets better. Until then - I teach my 4 children just who the wolves are in sheep's clothing and to get thick skinned and stay away from them if you can. Yes, like with the bad experiences I have had with the Mormons who have bullied and robbed from me and my son Derek Item. I never knew any Mormons back in the bay area. Oh well, you learn, I learn, we all learn! "Vengeance is Mine Sayeth The Lord-I Will Repay!" God Bless You! & Your Son! Play Ball!

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  • francescaduchamp@att.netApril 22, 2013 - 2:06 pm

    Tim--I am so sorry to hear this--my grandson plays baseball...he is only ten...but he received a "ball" for being the MVP for a game we played and it was just fielding a ball correctly--not even a home run--I cherished that moment. My heart to yours sir...I cant imagine not giving you the ball. The lesson I have now learned is to bring a hand full of balls to negotiate with--in case my grandson hits a home run. wow.

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  • rydercup2001May 03, 2013 - 12:26 am

    Kim, I'm sorry. You said you had 4 sons? What are the other son's names? I only caught Derek Item's name.

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  • Sara YatesMay 03, 2013 - 10:00 am

    It's too bad that some people, who are given a position of power, act the way they do. I am not a Mormon, but do know quite a few and most of them are pretty nice. It think it is more to do with sports. If your dad is not one of the coaches, you are at a major disadvantage. I don't care if they play well or not, if dad is a coach, they usually get to play more and play key positions, even when there is a better player. I never saw my son being bullied and if he was he never told me, other than the entire football team losing every game in the season (new high school, no seniors) and being made to ride the bus home so he could yell at all of them (not sure if his own son was included in the verbal beat down - probably was). Your son should have been given the game ball, and without asking for it either! I cannot understand why someone like that keeps on coaching, why it is tolerated. It's not right. We wonder why kids act the way they do - news flash - they learn a lot of it from their very own, all too important, parents. We wonder why there are fights at "kids" sporting events - because everyone tolerates the unsportsmanlike behavior of some. Wasn't that something sports was "suppose" to teach our kids? Sportsmanlike behavior, team spirit, doing your best and, one of my pet peeves, looking presentable (shirt tucked in, hat on straight, etc). No, some are teaching the kids to be little bullies and out of control anger towards one another. The kids learn all of this crap from their parents - so parents, stop trying to blame everyone else for your kids behavior - look at yourselves. My son played Varsity Baseball and loved it, and the kids were all great - the coaches and parents? Unfortunately, sometimes another story...

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  • Robert Van GilderMay 03, 2013 - 11:29 am

    Poor choice by ELDO coach.

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  • DaveMay 03, 2013 - 1:08 pm

    Grow up people.... in high school they don't get there HR balls back... At least not in our league and from what I hear the head coach had no knowledge of any of this. So as I say... grow up. My son has hit many and not worried about it. Mountains out of mole hills

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  • DaveMay 03, 2013 - 1:55 pm

    I looked into this further.... nobody talked to Coach McDonald, they talked to a volunteer assistant coach. Maybe he was a little gruff, so cut his pay. I'll say it again, and if you have kids coming up to high school, grow up... they don't get their HR balls back... not because of the head coach. My son doesn't want his back. I know... I've asked. The probably think it will jinx him hitting another. By making such a fuss you probably have jinxed your own son.

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  • TimMay 03, 2013 - 3:01 pm

    Dave, you are correct. I should have researched the coaching staff better. I want to apologize to Coach McDonald for calling him out on an incident that he was not involved in. His assistant coach though will receive no apology from me. His behavior in my opinion was unacceptable. As far as your comments Dave, when you say your son has hit “many” home runs and not worried about it then obviously you have missed my point in my previous letter. Case closed as far as I’m concerned. On to the playoffs.

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  • Robert Van GilderMay 03, 2013 - 3:56 pm

    Why wouldn't a coach let a kid/parent have an HR ball in high school? I understand if your kid belts a homer or two per game probably not a big deal. But that didn't appear to be the case.

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  • Robert Van GilderMay 03, 2013 - 3:59 pm

    Oh and yes, on to play offs ---- Go COUGARS!!

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  • Sara YatesMay 03, 2013 - 4:29 pm

    To Dave - so your kid is a superstar athlete - that's great! So was mine - tied his friend for the high school record for the number of home runs he hit one year. I would have still wanted the ball. Even more so, I would have wanted the kid who hit HIS FIRST HOME RUN to have the game ball. Some things are important to people, even if you don't get it...

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  • GarrettSeptember 16, 2013 - 11:09 pm

    As a player for the aforementioned coach, I just don't understand the response of the parent who was denied the baseball. When coach McDonald said "we don't do that here," he meant it. Not long after the game mentioned in the letter to the editor, I hit my first homerun. It was a shot into the yard behind the field in left. I did not receive my homerun ball even though it was recovered. Rusty McDonald didnbot deny a Vista del Lago player a ball out of spite for his coach. It's important not to attach such sentimental value to a 4 dollar baseball.

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