Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Time to fork over your spoons to the feds

EDITOR: The facts are finally in about the epidemic of obesity in America. The common assumptions of inactivity, too much screen time, lack of exercise, genetics, and poor diet has been proven invalid, according to leading research.

The proven reason for this very serious ailment is the fork and spoon. More precise is the size of each. A tablespoon will hold  three times the amount of food than a teaspoon, therefore equal to three times the caloric intake. A dinner fork with 2 inch tines as compared to a salad fork with 1 ¼ inch tines will scoop close to twice the quantity of food. Very scary.

To combat this horrific epidemic the federal government has established a task force to stop obesity forever. This task force is comprised of experts in the field of obesity as well as selected politicians.

Their recommendations are as follows:
1. No private citizen shall have forks with tines greater than 1 ¼ inches in their possession.
2. No private citizen shall have tablespoons in their possession.
3. All permitted forks and spoons in each household shall be registered with
both state and federal agencies.
4. A Website, available to the public, will have the name and address of each registered large tine fork and tablespoon in each state.

Exceptions to the above recommendations will only be waived for trained professionals such as personal trainers, coaches, PE teachers, and any other persons deemed trained as per federal guidelines.

Schools may request blanket exemptions if they provide White House-approved menus. This exemption would be reviewed quarterly and could be rescinded by executive order.

Individual citizens may petition for larger forks and spoons only after a thorough background check has been completed. The checks will include but are not limited to previous bouts with over weight episodes in their past.

Over weight will be defined by established federal guidelines. A complete physical will also be required at time of request. The successful petitioner will have a waiting period of no less than 10 days to receive their permit. In addition an annual physical will be required to make sure the permit holder is not in an over weight episode. Any non-compliance will result in immediate confiscation of any large forks or spoons in possession of permit holder.

In conclusion, with the above recommendations obesity in America will be a thing of the past.

I always knew the individual was not to be blamed.


Pollock Pines

Letters to the Editor


Discussion | 32 comments

  • James E.January 25, 2013 - 5:27 pm

    Oh, Mr. Shoff, I get it now. You're being sarcastic.

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  • DeeJanuary 26, 2013 - 3:24 pm

    The joys of Obamacare--------------Just how much more does the administration want our retired and active duty soldiers to pay? Under the new plan, the Pentagon would get the bulk of its savings by targeting under-65 and Medicare-eligible military retirees through a tiered increase in annual Tricare premiums that will be based on yearly retirement pay. Significantly, the plan calls for increases between 30 percent to 78 percent in Tricare annual premiums for the first year. After that, the plan will impose five-year increases ranging from 94 percent to 345 percent—more than 3 times current levels. According to congressional assessments, a retired Army colonel with a family currently paying $460 a year for health care will pay $2,048. The new plan hits active duty personnel by increasing co-payments for pharmaceuticals and eliminating incentives for using generic drugs. ----------from Washinton Free Beacon

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  • DB SmithJanuary 26, 2013 - 3:33 pm

    Dee, the Obombacare joys keep flowing...I wonder if our colonel would like to comment on this one?

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  • James E.January 26, 2013 - 3:45 pm

    DB, first, it's not Obamacare. It's TRICARE which has no connection to Obamacare. The pentagon folks (Department of Defense) come up with proposed increases which have been in the past batted down by Congress. However, given the desire to shave personnel costs it's likely that changes will be made this time. As for the details, I don't much care -- when it happens they'll let me know how much the increase will be. I learned a long time ago not to worry about this sort of thing because there is nothing I can do about it. I do have a general opinion -- military personnel paid for their health care with their blood, sweat, and tears so there shouldn't be any increases, but who in the pentagon listens to me? No one.

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  • DB SmithJanuary 26, 2013 - 3:53 pm

    Well there is 1/2 of something we agree on colonel. Our military should not be affected by any Obombacare increases and if anything they do they should be making it easier for our veterans. On the other 1/2 ~ any citizen that does not want to participate should not be forced and penalized to do so!

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  • DeeJanuary 26, 2013 - 5:59 pm

    DB-I agree with you. However, for more of the story from the Washington Free Beacon:----------"Administration officials told Congress that one goal of the increased fees is to force military retirees to reduce their involvement in Tricare and eventually opt out of the program in favor of alternatives established by the 2010 Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare." It is about Obamacare after all.

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  • DeeJanuary 26, 2013 - 6:08 pm

    Mr. Shoff-Thank you for the humour. It is humour isn't it? At DAVOS they are talking about radical action to combat obesity.

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  • James E.January 26, 2013 - 6:19 pm

    Dee, by the way, weren't you going to tell me your last name so we could be on a last name basis? Come on now, don't be shy. You know and use mine, what's yours? Are you ashamed of your comments to the extent you hide behind a curtain? I've never heard of the Washington Free Beacon, but would I be too far off thinking it's a radical right-wing source ready to give us fairy tales about how military personnel are going to rush away from TRICARE. Military personnel will not be leaving TRICARE -- even if fees go up, it's our program and we support it and will continue to support it. But good try. And, what's next -- soldiers wounded in combat in Afghanistan are now refusing life saving MASH treatment and are demanding Obamacare instead? Oh, the Obama hate continues and continues and continues. But, soon it will be 2016 and you can transfer the hate to President H. Clinton. Hang in there. Only just less than four years for you to suffer the pain.

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  • James E.January 26, 2013 - 6:23 pm

    Dee. I Googled Washington Free Beacon. Suspicions confirmed. Keep feeding us the non-news.

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  • Paddy O'furnitureJanuary 27, 2013 - 2:49 pm

    James, I'll tell you a secret; O'furniture's not my last name. Oh, and Mr Schoff, THAT.........was a great letter.

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  • R.J. CarterJanuary 27, 2013 - 3:39 pm

    Back in the day I had a friend who happened to be Irish and he liked to stay out all night..Because of that we all called him Paddy O'furniture.... Anyway, agree with Paddy'o, I also found BRUCE SHOFF'S letter well done...

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  • James E.January 27, 2013 - 4:02 pm

    Paddy, O'furniture not your real last name?? I thought you were from an Irish family that had a furniture store and legally assumed the O'furniture name as an advertisement of the family business. R.J., you should have called that guy O'nighter.

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  • DeeJanuary 27, 2013 - 4:38 pm

    Longhofer-The article was written by Bill Gertz---A journalist who doesn't follow the instructions of the socialists/Democrats. Here is a quick resume---------Bill Gertz Bill Gertz is senior editor of the Washington Free Beacon. Prior to joining the Beacon he was a national security reporter, editor, and columnist for 27 years at the Washington Times. Bill is the author of six books, four of which were national bestsellers. His most recent book was The Failure Factory, a look at an out-of-control government bureaucracy that could have been a primer for the Tea Party. Bill has an international reputation. Vyachaslav Trubnikov, head of the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service, once called him a “tool of the CIA” after he wrote an article exposing Russian intelligence operations in the Balkans. A senior CIA official once threatened to have a cruise missile fired at his desk after he wrote a column critical of the CIA’s analysis of China. And China’s communist government has criticized him for news reports exposing China’s weapons and missile sales to rogues states. The state-run Xinhua news agency in 2006 identified Bill as the No. 1 “anti-China expert” in the world. Bill insists he is very much pro-China—pro-Chinese people and opposed to the communist system. Former Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld once told him: “You are drilling holes in the Pentagon and sucking out information.” --------Any reporter who can tick off the Russians, CIA, China and Rumsfeld is my kind of journalist. --------------Oh, and Longhofer, I don't hate. Hate simply gets in the way. I am already prepared for Hill or Joe. I'll trying to share information with those who only read and follow the Democrat talking points.

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  • James E.January 27, 2013 - 5:11 pm

    Dee, Washington Times -- enough said. And you are using MY last name again. What is YOUR last name?

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  • James E.January 27, 2013 - 5:22 pm

    Mr. Monitor of the MtDemocrat web site: Contributors should be required to use their real names. If that was required, a whole lot of crazy would go away.

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  • Paddy O'furnitureJanuary 27, 2013 - 6:15 pm

    I agree James, that if we used our real names, the content might change a bit. Did Richurd or Darrin ever give their last names? Can't remember. My real name is O'bama. Paddy O'bama. Third grade was tough with a name like that.

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  • cookie65January 28, 2013 - 6:58 am

    Thank you Bruce for this excellent example of liberalism and their never ending campaign to micro-manage our lives. The phrase "as the secretary shall determine" is loaded thru and thru obamacare. In other words much of "the law" has not been written or settled. Everywhere that phrase is used could add another hundred pages of rules and regulations. We could end up with the first 2,700 pages just being the index. And the mindnumb libtards don't think they went far enough. KOOLAID KOOLAID, tastes great, wish I had some, can't wait.

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  • chrispytahoeJanuary 28, 2013 - 12:15 pm

    Cookie65, looks like you already sucked down enough Koolaid to choke a horse. Fatties, smokers, drug addicts, drinkers all contribute to the added cost of healthcare. That affects us all. Yes we liberals are smarter, more evolved and involved than you and your dying GOP. I submit once again that retarded people would be offended by your remarks.

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  • chrispytahoeJanuary 28, 2013 - 12:23 pm

    OBAMACARE??? The plan originally written almost word for word by Romney. Fact. And now Massachusetts has arguably the greatest health care system of any state in the country. It is also listed as one of the healthiest states in the Union. By a variety of sources. So I ask critics, health care reform was not necessary? Action has been taken and in a decade this argument against Obamacare will be moot.

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  • EvelynJanuary 28, 2013 - 12:54 pm

    "OBAMACARE??? The plan originally written almost word for word by Romney. Fact." ~ chrispytahoe

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  • cookie65January 28, 2013 - 1:17 pm

    Chrispy, the "smart" liberals are the ones who exempted themselves from it. The same ones who wrote it. How is that for evolved? Good enough for you but not good enough for them.

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  • cookie65January 28, 2013 - 1:19 pm

    Chrispy, at least you finally admitted why you are offended by my remarks.

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  • DB SmithJanuary 28, 2013 - 1:23 pm

    Cookie :)

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  • chrispytahoeJanuary 28, 2013 - 2:50 pm

    Cookie65, not offended. Entertained! I love a good debate. Proud that we have that right in this country still. Also, Kudos to the Democrat for having an online blog that works. The newspapers up here in Tahoe cannot seem to do this.

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  • chrispytahoeJanuary 28, 2013 - 2:54 pm

    I have a spouse who works at one of your local hospitals there in Pville. She will be the first to tell you the new health laws are and will be far from perfect. But ya gotta break a few eggs etc etc etc...

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  • Bruce ShoffJanuary 28, 2013 - 4:53 pm

    Wow, I appreciate the very few comments about my letter. I have NO idea how the discussion went sideways to Obamacare. But yes this is a good medium for free speech.

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  • EvelynJanuary 28, 2013 - 5:14 pm

    Bruce: Any letter on ANY subject somehow has the potential to raise a variety of subjects, whether Obamacare, gun control, the dastardly Repubs/Dems/Tea Party/liberals/conservatives or the economy. It is interesting to note the crucial subjects that NEVER get discussed. Some things just are off limits, our tolerance levels being what they are.

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  • DAN GUTHRIEJanuary 29, 2013 - 7:29 am

    A very poor attempt at what some people would consider comedy writing. Being clever(or kind of trying to be) isn't a replacement for intelligence. Soft headed sarcasm always makes things worse instead of better. I would say nice try, but it wasn't-Sorry.

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  • Bruce ShoffJanuary 29, 2013 - 8:29 am

    Finally a comment from the targeted. My letter showed the ridiculous subjective decision making from the liberal side of our society. It's hard to have a factual objective debate with those who make emotional 'knee jerk' decisions on such crucial societal issues. One more thing Mr. Guthrie. You may attack my topic or opinion but you may have stepped over the line with your intelligence comment. Save those for face to face discussions.

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  • David ThomasJanuary 29, 2013 - 9:43 am

    I appreciate your humor Bruce, I feel lucky that I grew up in a time when we had no video games or computers we rode our bikes till the sun went down then came in for dinner which was usually fresh vegetables from our garden and some kind of fresh meat from Raleys. We never thought about our weight or even our tine length.

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  • Paddy O'furnitureJanuary 29, 2013 - 9:57 am

    Bruce, I enjoyed your letter immensely and Dan is correct; being clever is no replacement for intelligence. Fortunately, you letter is laden with both. And your comment about about "stepping over the line" is well received. You should never insult someone in literature that you wouldn't face to face. I've requested to a face to face with a gent here but wasn't even told no, just ignored. I like your spirit Bruce. Stick around.

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  • J. ReffnerJanuary 29, 2013 - 1:49 pm

    Very nicely written Bruce. But the question comes up. Will you able to purchase a pack of plastic picnic forks in a package of 30 or will you be limited to purchasing only 7 per package. Logic dictates that if you if only have 7 forks per package, there will be fewer people eating, and those that did not get the utensils will go hungry, thus losing weight. Can the people that didn't get utensil's at the gathering file a complaint form and go to the closest agency and get them. Because its just not fair! And what happens if you have a large gathering at a picnic. Will you have to register with the correct Federal/State/Local agencies. Pay large fee's and have to be insured. Having that many utensils is a large risk to the health of society. And what of knives. That is a completely different set of rules and regulations.

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