Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Working through tragic events

EDITOR: School and workplace shootings, adolescent abuse of prescription pills, overcrowded prisons, post-traumatic stress disorder in returning soldiers, adolescent and young adult suicides, marital discord, gang violence, dependence on medications, including alcohol and marijuana, and various addictive behaviors — the list of individual and social ills are thriving.

As can be seen in our societal response to the Connecticut shootings, we are passionate about wanting to find solutions. But we are failing to look at the bigger picture of what is really at the core of all of these traumatic events and behaviors: our inability to work through personal distress.

Instead working with the “distress,” we are given strategies to “cope” — through distraction, avoidance, medications, or other habitual and sometimes tragic behavior. When we don’t appropriately work with emotional distress and related behavioral problems at the onset, we, and those around us, can spiral into multiple layers of problematic behaviors that then lead to more emotional distress and unthinkable outcomes. As community leaders, we need to share and understand this basic concept, and then guide others toward a lasting solution.

Being able to work through personal distress means that we need the psychological skills to understand and work with the core emotions of fear, sadness, disappointment, hurt, anxiety and frustration. Society’s current view of these emotions is that they are negative and “distressful.” However, each of these emotions has a special purpose toward achieving our “psychological” needs by guiding personal choice.

To reduce emotional distress, we need to work with these emotions, instead of just “coping” with them. Physical pain is a useful analogy: We need physical pain to physically survive and to help guide our decisions to reduce future physical pain. For example, putting one’s hand on a hot stove — we pull our hand off when we feel the pain and we avoid touching hot stoves in the future. Imagine the absurdity if we were to just “cope” with routine physical pain. With physical pain, after noticing the pain we then evaluate the source of the pain. Similarly with emotional pain. The above emotions are there to guide our decision-making. Their purpose is to get us to pay attention, such that we can then consciously explore the underlying beliefs that are being used in our daily decisions with the goal of greater life fulfillment. Yet we as individuals and societies don’t understand and don’t know how to work with these emotions. This lack of understanding includes the psychological community, religious groups, educators, government entities, and other community leaders.

A parallel task is to understand and learn the skill of exploring the motivations and beliefs behind our behaviors. Every day we perform hundreds of behaviors, from the routine to the more passionate and perhaps problematic. Most often our behaviors are unconscious, habitual responses to events that aren’t consistent with what we want or what we believe should be. These habitual responses can frequently lead to further internal distress and/or trigger distress in others. We can easily see the damaging consequences with affairs, neglect, addictions, anger, violence, suicides, etc.

These actions are based on internal beliefs that justify the decisions, whether or not the behaviors are really in ours/others’ best interest. To change the behavior, we need to change our internal beliefs that support that behavior. We have this extraordinary gift of mental reflection — that is there to be used. We need to challenge some of our closely held beliefs, based on a consciously informed dialog rather than maintaining the habitual comfort. We need to practice exploring the motivations and beliefs behind routine behaviors, such that we have developed the skills needed to effectively respond when we see ourselves or others behaving in a more problematic manner.

The solutions to these traumatic outcomes are not going to be realized by just working harder or being more passionate in order to do more of what we have done in the past. To get there, we need to initiate an open dialog about the purpose of emotions and how to work with them so we can learn and teach others to identify and work effectively with emotional “distress.” We also need to develop the practice of exploring our motivations and beliefs behind our habitual behaviors such that we can more effectively respond to problematic behaviors. This discussion needs to happen through and with the psychological community, teachers, spiritual and community leaders, and government agencies to allow a complete exchange of ideas about the emotions and behaviors, toward the goal of lasting solutions to traumatic events.

El Dorado Hills

Letters to the Editor


Discussion | 4 comments

  • cookie65January 07, 2013 - 9:54 am

    We have a political party in this country who have spent upwards of $15 trillion of other peoples money to prevent people from experiencing the discomfort and even pain caused as a result of thier poor decisions. To top that off they perpetually tell them they are victims. They seperate people into tiny groups and then pit them against one another in order to advance their power. The fill kids up with phony feel good self esteem that leaves them crashing down when the real world slaps them in the face. It is no where near as complicated as you make it out to be.

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  • cookie65January 07, 2013 - 10:09 am

    Emotions are like money. When they are your master life is misery. When they are your slave life is great.

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  • AnthonyJanuary 07, 2013 - 6:06 pm

    cookie65, we have two political parties who exercise the article 1 section 8 taxation authority vested in Congress to promote their own visions of what government should and should not do. if you take issue with article 1 section 8 taxation powers then I suggest you lobby Congressman McClintock or whomever your representative might be to introduce legislation to amend the constitution accordingly. In the meantime the use of "other people's money" is what the founders intended, otherwise they would not have extended the power of taxation to Congress. personally, I would love to see corporations like Blackwater, Halliburton, Raytheon and others stop relying on other people's money (our tax dollars) for their profits. Let's stop the flow of billions of tax dollars to those companies and others like them. Then we can talk about the tax dollars spent on a single mother trying to feed her children.

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  • Drake BrancaJanuary 07, 2013 - 11:26 pm

    You are right, Cookie, We do have one party who does all they can to isolate Americans from actual pain and sacrifice. Remember the Republican president's solution to 9/11? "Go shopping". Remember how we paid for the the 2 wars started by the Republican President? By cutting taxes. How did that work out for us?

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