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Heard over the back fence: A quotathon special editon

By From page B1 | August 02, 2013

DIFFERENT COLUMN TODAY: 
I believe our readers and I need an occasional break from routine. Today’s column is totally designed to lighten your day — no dates, no times, no schedules . . . Hope you enjoy the change of pace.

GROWING OLD COMMENTARY:
 Paul and Wendy Chafer of El Dorado Hills provided the following “Golden Years” quotes:
”I’m getting so old that all my friends in Heaven will think I didn’t make it.”
”You can’t stay young forever. But you can be immature for the rest of your life.” 

PERMISSION TO BE YOURSELF: 
My friend Mary Ann Putnam provided the following “Assorted Thoughts” statement: “If you haven’t grown up by age 50, you don’t have to.”

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE:
I recently asked co-worker Pat Hooper what she thought would happen if I referred to my wife, Monika, as “my disciple.” Pat said, “You would probably be crucified.”

BE SMART — DON’T RUN:
 Heidi Barron provided the following “Southern Cops Have a Way with Words” statements, which are actual comments taken off their car videos: “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

CREATE A GIVING LIFE:
 Famous local singer John Bruno forwarded the following quote: “We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” — Norman Mac Ewan

COMMON SENSE ISN’T COMMON:
T-shirt King John Chapman sent the following T-shirt statements: “Common Sense is like Deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” “I love the sound you make when you SHUT UP.”

BECOME A PARTY ANIMAL: 
The book “Live and Learn and Pass It On” contains the following life lessons:
”I’ve learned that, if you want to go to parties, you have to give some parties.” — Age 38
”I’ve learned that the wealthy person is the one who’s content with what he has.” — Age 61

DON’T TAKE ANY WOODEN NICKELS:
Toby and Molly Higgins provided the following Yogi Berra quotes: “It’s like deja vu all over again.” and “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”

SMALL ACTIONS MEAN A LOT:
 “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” — Leo Buscaglia

KNOW WHEN MOM IS MAD:
 Wendy and Paul Chafer provided the following “Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned:” “When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.”
Wendy and Paul also sent the following “Cool Quote:” “Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.” — Harrison Ford

VOLCANOES GO WHERE THEY PLEASE:
 The “365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar noted the following newscaster “logic:”
”How can you get a volcano in Iceland? When you think of volcanoes you think of Hawaii, or long words like that. You don’t think of Iceland. It’s too cold to have a volcano there.” — Newscaster Rick Sanchez.
”Will Humans Swim Faster or Slower in Syrup?” — Title of a scientific study

ADVICE FOR TEENAGERS:
 Mary Ann Putnam forwarded the following “Assorted Thoughts” statements: “TEENAGERS: Tired of Being Harassed by Your Stupid Parents? ACT NOW!!! Move Out. Get a Job. Pay Your Bills While You Still Know Everything.”

“I’m only responsible for what I Say not for What you Understand.”

FRIENDS PAY OFF:
 Mitzi Stockel of Somerset forwarded the following quote: “We need old friends to help us grow old, and new friends to help us stay young!” —Letty Cottin Progrebin

.YOGI LOGIC: 
Don Curry provided a Yogi Berra quotation regarding the future: “The future ain’t what it use to be.” 

A DALAI DILLY:
 Look at the “Insight from the Dalai Lama” calendar, and you will see the following recommendation: “In the present circumstances, no one can afford to assume that someone else will solve their problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient; we must become actively engaged.”

WHEN TO APOLOGIZE:
 Thanks to Mary Ann Putnam, we offer the following interesting definition of “apologizing:” “APOLOGIZING: Does not always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.”

A DALAI DILLY OR TWO: 
Look at the “Insight from the Dalai Lama” calendar, and you will find the following food for thought:
”Human happiness and human satisfaction must ultimately come from within oneself. It is wrong to expect some final satisfaction to come from money or from a computer.”

“Pay more attention to inner values. Money alone is not sufficient. Those people whose only concern is money got much more disturbances when the global economy collapsed. People with a happy family and a happy community get less disturbances.”

Send your jokes and event items for Heard Over the Back Fence column three weeks in advance to Bob Billingsley at the Mountain Democrat, PO Box 1088, Placerville 95667, or drop them off at 2889 Ray Lawyer Dr. First and last name of contact person are required. Phone 530-344-5036. Follow @BBillingsleyMtDemo on Twitter.

Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.
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