A VERY SILENT WITNESS: Check out the “365 Stupidest Things Ever Said” calendar, and you will see the following court testimony: “Lawyer: When did you last see Walter? Witness: At his funeral. Lawyer: Did he make any comment to you at that time? Witness: No, sir.” — From an actual court case.
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THROW THOSE SHOES! On Saturday, July 20, there will be a horseshoe tournament at the El Dorado Community Hall, 6139 Pleasant Valley Rd., El Dorado. Check-in time is 9 a.m. Tournament starts at 10 a.m. Your $20 entry fee includes burger and sides lunch. Lunch also available for non-playing spectators. This is a blind draw, double-elimination tournament. You must register by July 19. To register, find a signup around Town of El Dorado, call 530-401-6987, or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. When calling or emailing, be sure to include name and phone number as well as number of entries. Blind draw — sorry, no team entries.
FOOD AND BOOKS COMBINATION: Our local libraries are partnering with the Food Bank of El Dorado County to help combat hunger in our county. You can bring your donation of non-perishable food items to the library nearest you. All donations will be dispersed by the Food Bank to those in need. Food will be collected until July 31.
FAMILY TREE GROWS SLOWLY: Thanks to John Chapman, we have the following T-shirt statement: “INSANITY does not run in my family. Rather, it strolls through, taking its time getting to know everyone personally.”
HIGH ACHIEVING STUDENTS: Oregon State University officials have made us aware that Danielle E. Donley, Sara L. Orofino and Evann L. Stabenow, all of Cameron Park, have made the scholastic honor roll for the spring semester. To be placed on the honor roll, a student must earn a B- (3.5) grade-point average or better. Congratulations to all of you! It’s always a special pleasure when our local, young people succeed.
READ TO WIN PRIZES: The adult Summer Reading Club is promoting a “Reading Is Delicious” program until July 31. No registration is required. Just fill out a “recipe card” for each book you read and enter your card at the library to possibly win prizes.
HELPING THOSE IN NEED: The Holy Trinity Catholic Church Human Concerns Ministry “assists people within our community according to their needs whether it be: food, temporary housing, financial assistance in crisis, homebound visits and volunteer assistance for the elderly or ill and through support of organizations and activities serving the needs of El Dorado County residents such as: HELP, Holy Trinity Giving Tree and others.” For more information, call 530-677-3234.
APPRECIATING PARENTS: The book “Live and Learn and Pass It On” offers the following life lesson: “I’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, I’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me.” — Age 15.
SCRAMBLED EGGS, PLEASE: A pancake breakfast is scheduled for Saturday, Aug. 3, from 8 to 11 a.m., at the Placerville Airport. Breakfast includes pancakes, eggs, sausage, coffee and juice. Tickets are $6 per person. Children 12 and under pay $3. Display parking available for classic/show cars. Proceeds support local youth and adult aviation programs, including Young Eagles and Civil Air Patrol. More information: hangtowneaa512.org or call 530-626-4165.
SCAM ALERT! A presentation titled “Be Aware” is scheduled for Tuesday, Aug. 6, at 1 p.m. at the El Dorado Hills Senior Center, 990 Lassen Lane. This class is designed to help seniors avoid scams and fraud schemes that target seniors. The class presenter will be Janette Rogers-Booth, licensed private investigator. Call 916-358-3575 to save your spot.
YOGI BERRA SPEAKS OUT: Toby and Molly Higgins forwarded the following Yogi Berra quote: “When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes: ‘When you come to a fork in the road, take it.'”
CONTROLLING DIABETES: On Wednesday, Aug. 7, from 9:30 to 11:30 a.m., a class titled “Gaining Better Control” will be presented by Marshall Medical. This class will include the following topics: “Key Tools for managing diabetes; Making sense of your blood glucose numbers; Medication options; Emotions & diabetes.” This class cost is covered by most insurance plans, including Medicare with MD referral. To register for this class, call 530-672-7021.
HUG YOUR HEN: Fairgoers selected Brook Warner’s photograph “Hen Hug” for the “People’s Choice” award. The picture was a portrait of a friend’s young daughter hugging her pet chicken. The youngster has carried the chicken since it was a chick, and the photo shows a fully-grown chicken. Congratulations, Brook!
BECOME A FIREFIGHTER: Have you considered become a Volunteer Firefighter? For more information, visit Website diamondfire.org.
WINE FOR WORDS: The eighth annual “Wine for Words” fundraiser for the Placerville Library, 345 Fair Lane, is scheduled for Sunday, Aug. 25, from 4 to 8 p.m. at the library. The guest author will be Kevin Smokler. Tickets are $50 per person and can be purchased at the library. Your ticket also includes a catered dinner and wine tasting. For more information, call 530-621-5540.
CASA NEEDS YOU: CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) needs volunteers. You must be 21 years old or older, complete their training program, and pass their extensive background check. This is your opportunity to help youngsters change their lives. For information, call Michelle Vien at 530-622-9882.
A DALAI DILLY: Review the “Insight from the Dalai Lama” calendar, and you will come across the following statement: “I feel that the essence of spiritual practice is your attitude toward others. When you have a pure, sincere motivation, then you have the right attitude toward others based on kindness, compassion, love, and respect. Practice brings the clear realization of the oneness of all human beings and the importance of others benefiting by your actions.”
Send your jokes and event items for Heard Over the Back Fence column three weeks in advance to Bob Billingsley at the Mountain Democrat, PO Box 1088, Placerville 95667, or drop them off at 2889 Ray Lawyer Dr. First and last name of contact person are required. Phone 530-344-5036. Follow @BBillingsleyMtDemo on Twitter.