Heard over the back fence: Starting December on the lighter side

By From page B1 | December 02, 2013

I’ve decided to present a lighthearted “Fence” column today to start the holidays off in a good mood. Enjoy your coffee and the holidays.

 Thanks to John Chapman, we offer the following T-shirt statements:

“I work hard so that my dog can have a better life.”

“I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.”

“I’m on a seafood diet; I see food and I eat it.”

“Bad decisions make good stories.”

“At my age, happy hour is any hour spent above ground.”

“Advice from a sea turtle: Swim with the current. Be a good navigator. Stay calm under pressure. Be well traveled. Think long-term. Age gracefully. Spend time on the beach.”

“Advice from a butterfly: Let your true colors show. Get out of your cocoon. Take yourself lightly. Look for the sweetness in life. Take time to smell the flowers. Catch a breeze. We can’t all be monarchs!”

HORSE SENSE: ( T-shirt statement received from John Chapman.) 
”I’d rather be a horse. I could graze all day. I could get lots of rub downs. Someone else would clean up after me.”

The “Live and Learn and Pass It On” book provided by Clara Neilsen offers the following life lessons:

“I’ve learned that no one makes potato salad as good as Mom’s.” — Age 51

“I’ve learned that if you depend on others to make you happy, you’ll be endlessly disappointed.” — Age 60

“I’ve learned that everything sounds romantic in a foreign language, no matter what is said.” — Age 27

“I’ve learned that nothing gives you freedom like a few bucks in the bank.”— Age 48

“I’ve learned that if you can’t forgive and forget, you can at least forgive and move on.” — Age 77

“I’ve learned that nothing is more precious than a baby’s laugh.” — Age 29

“I’ve learned that the quickest way to meet people is to pick up the wrong golf ball on the golf course.” — Age 43

Jewel Blair-Smith sent the following “Maxine” sayings:

“How do we know global warning isn’t just mother nature having a hot flash?”

“My travel mug is ‘no spill’ as long as I ‘no drink’ out of it.”

“I can rise and shine – but not at the same time.”

“Ever feel like you’ve had too much coffee? Me neither.”

Mitzi Stockel of Somerset forwarded the following “The Importance of Walking” statement: “I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I am doing.”

DALAI DILLIES: The “Insight from the Dalai Lama” calendar contains the following recommendations:

“When we are motivated by compassion and wisdom, the results of our actions benefit everyone, not just our individual selves or some immediate convenience. When we are able to recognize and forgive ignorant actions of the past, we gain strength to constructively solve the problems of the present.”

“The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be.”

“Love and Compassion are the true religions to me. But to develop this, we do not need to believe in any religion.”

“If humankind continues to approach its problems from the perspective of temporary expediency, future generations will face tremendous difficulties.”

“I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion . . . . Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It is the ultimate source of success in life.”

PARKINSON’S SUPPORT GROUP: The Parkinson’s Disease Support Group will meet on Tuesday, Dec. 3, at 1:30 p.m., at the Placerville Senior Center, 937 Spring St. There will be a review and distribution of the group’s small library of PD books and research papers. This meeting is also a holiday celebration, and members are encouraged to bring party food they enjoy. Baked goodies and coffee will be available. For more information, call 530-644-3096.

FREE PICTURE WITH SANTA: On Monday, Dec. 2, from 5 to 7:30 p.m., Santa will be at the Crystal Basin Bistro, 3590 Carson Rd., Ste. B, Camino. Free pictures with Santa will be offered. Pictures taken will be e-mailed to the parents. The first 23 kids will receive a free ornament. There will be free Christmas treats and face painting. For more information, call 530-647-0735.

NEWBORN ADVICE: Marshall Medical is sponsoring a class titled “Baby Basics.” This class provides basic newborn-care advice for the first few weeks of the baby’s life. Class topics include newborn characteristics, physical and emotional needs of the baby, and health and safety skills. The class will be held on Wednesday, Dec. 4, from 7 to 9 p.m. in Placerville. The class fee is $25. First 5 El Dorado offers a scholarship to pay class tuition. For exact location information and to register, call 530-626-2990.

HOLIDAY CRAFT FAIR: A “Holiday Craft Fair” for Gold Oak Elementary School is scheduled for Sunday, Dec. 8, from 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at the Diamond Springs Fireman’s Memorial Hall, 501 Main St., Diamond Springs. There will be local vendors, crafters, bakers and direct sellers. Snacks, water, coffee and hot chocolate will be for sale. There is a good opportunity to buy some unique Christmas gifts. For booth fee information, call 530-417-5011.

MEET THE AUTHOR: On Saturday, Dec. 7, from 11 a.m. to 1 pm., author Owen Sullivan will be at the Books ‘N Bears Store, 6211-A Pleasant Valley Rd., El Dorado, to sign his latest novel, “Liquid Gold.” Owen Sullivan is the author of the best seller, “The House’s Money.” He will be bringing his award-winning chili for you to sample. Feel free to bring a new, unwrapped toy for the “Toys for Tots” program. For more information, call 530-621-1766.

Send your jokes and event items for Heard Over the Back Fence column three weeks in advance to Bob Billingsley at the Mountain Democrat, PO Box 1088, Placerville 95667, or drop them off at 2889 Ray Lawyer Dr. First and last name of contact person are required. Phone 530-344-5036. Follow @BBillingsleyMtDemo on Twitter.


Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.
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