Billingsley’s Bullets: Being a good sport is not complicated

I have played sports ever since I was 4 or 5 years old. It’s really pretty easy to be a good sport when you win. You shake hands with your opponents, compliment them on their effort, and wish them good luck for the future.

• Being a good sport when you lose is a tad more complicated. You still need to shake hands, compliment your opponents’ efforts, and wish them well for the future. Being a good sport also means you do not do the following actions:

• Do not accuse your opponent of cheating.

•Do not refuse to shake hands.

• Do not blame the referees or umpires.

• Do not always look for an alibi, such as, “I or we had an off-day,” or, “They were just lucky today.”

• Some egos demand that they must find an explanation for their loss. They cannot accept the idea that the other team was better.

• Out-of-control egos must win, at any cost, and cannot admit they were outplayed. The super-ego sports people also must get in the last word, and the last word in sports, for them, is to create an alibi for their loss. For some immature reason, they cannot admit the opponents played better. You will know when you are finally a mature person. When you are able to say, “I or we were outplayed,” you are finally mature.

• Thanks to our readers, Jim and Carlyn White, the following rules of life are presented:

• “Law of Mechanical Repair — After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

• Law of Gravity — Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

• Law of Probability — The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

• Law of Random Numbers — If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

• Variation Law — If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

• Law of the Bath — When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

• Law of Close Encounters — The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

• Law of the Result — When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

• Law of Biomechanics — The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

• Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena — At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

• The Coffee Law — As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

• The Murphy’s Law of Lockers — If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

• Law of Physical Surfaces — The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

• Law of Logical Argument — Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

• Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance — If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

• Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking — A closed mouth gathers no feet.

• Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy — As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

• Doctors’ Law — If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor; by the time you get there you’ll feel better … But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

Bob Billingsley is a columnist at the Mountain Democrat. His column appears bi-weekly. 

Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.

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