Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Billingsley’s Bullets: Is your marriage OK or not?

From page A6 | March 15, 2013 |

Do you think about your marriage? Are you comfortable with your marriage? Is something missing? Are you bored or unhappy or both?

I have a feeling that many couples, if not most, rarely talk about their marriage. If I am right, the spouse doesn’t know what the partner feels about their marriage.

• Relationships have positive results when people are communicating. How can a marriage grow or move forward if no one knows what the other person is thinking or feeling?

• When is the last time you turned off the TV, the radio, and the telephone to make time for discussing the quality of your marriage? To discuss marriage, your marriage, you need a quiet environment with no interruptions. Realistically, if you have children at home, you need to recruit a friend or relative to watch the kids while you get away to a quiet, private location.

• When you create the quiet environment, you may want to consider asking your spouse the following questions:

— Is there anything you want to change about our marriage?
— Do I have a habit that irritates you or makes you angry?
— Are you OK or happy with our marriage?
— Do you still love me?

• Don’t settle for one- or two-word answers to your questions. Ask your spouse to elaborate on the responses.

• A happy marriage needs a few surprises and some creative changes to combat addictive routine and boredom.

• When is the last time you took an impulsive drive or a non-well-thought-out vacation? Do you ever surprise each other with unexpected flowers or an unplanned dinner or show date? Do you touch each other anymore? When is the last time you sat next to each other on a sofa and hugged each other? A surprise kiss on the back of the neck is appreciated, and it’s fun. Any massage is enjoyed. When is the last time you gave your spouse a massage?

• When a marriage is tired, impulse never occurs. Touching is almost non-existent and compliments are rare, if ever. A tired marriage spends hours watching TV, which requires very little or no discussions. Spouses never sit next to each other, and intimacy passed away … a long time ago.

• When boredom and routine rule a marriage, sexual intimacy fades away. Sexual intimacy is not discussed or practiced in a marriage of convenience. Sexual intimacy is a reward of a loving, kind relationship — not an obligation.

• I recommend a daily, quiet discussion-time for couples. You can’t really discuss anything in a noisy environment. Wait until the kids are down.

• If your spouse is unable or not willing to communicate, be patient and encourage him/her to speak. Being a patient, active listener is something that can be learned and taught.

• I believe joy can be ageless. What is better than a happy, fulfilling relationship?

• Don’t settle for a so-so marriage that applauds routine and avoids communication of any intimate subject. There is nothing more important than being loved. Being liked is not the same as being loved.

Bob Billingsley is a columnist at the Mountain Democrat. His column appears bi-weekly. 



Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.


District 2 candidate statements tell of goals

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: A1

Sand Fire nears containment: 66 structures destroyed

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Schedule for Highway 50 blasting closures

By News Release | From Page: A3

Tails wagging over dog park approval

By Julie Samrick | From Page: A3

Quarter-acre fire in Kelsey

By Rebecca Murphy | From Page: A3



My Turn: Privatization of public services

By Mark Belden | From Page: A4

Policy book

By Mountain Democrat | From Page: A4



Piano replaced

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

Comments sign-in policy

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Save the Guinea Worm

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

Large bangs

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 2 Comments

Private property gets no respect

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

GDPUD management report

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

District 2 supervisorial special election

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 3 Comments



Ex-Bruin lends a helping hand

By Steven Shaff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Sierra Sharks finish middle of the pack

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A8

Roundup: July 29, 2014

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A8

Taz pull through for SSL trophy

By Patty Pope | From Page: A8



Nuns discover a pleasant place

By Lexi Boeger | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Bargains can be found everywhere

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

At a glance: Game time

By Mimi Escabar | From Page: B2

Barbecue dinner to benefit Blue Star Moms

By Mount Aukum Winery | From Page: B2

Stagecoach story takes riders on a trip

By Wendy Schultz | From Page: B3

Help needed to make cool ties

By Sew 4 | From Page: B3

Stroke and osteoporosis screenings planned

By Life Line Screening | From Page: B3

Gold Rush Days activities cancelled this year

By Sacramento Convention And Visitors Center | From Page: B4

Master Food Preservers: Tomato time

By Monique Wilber | From Page: B4

Sacramento area museums offer summer fun

By Sacramento Association Of Museums | From Page: B5

Build an author platform at the Library

By El Dorado | From Page: B5



Weather stats 7-29-14

By Michael Raffety | From Page: A2

Building permits 6/2-6/2014

By Michael Raffety | From Page: A2Comments are off for this post

Crime Log: July 17

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A2



Merlyn Wilbur Adams

By Contributor | From Page: A2

Lisa Oliver Rose

By Contributor | From Page: A2

Wallace Murrel Thomas

By Contributor | From Page: A2


Real Estate




Women’s Health

Love the skin you’re in

By Noel Stack | From Page: WH4

Dump stress and improve your health, productivity

By Wendy Schultz | From Page: WH7Comments are off for this post

Women’s Health Expo

By Marshall Medical | From Page: WH8

Find the confidence you need to fight back

By Special to the Democrat | From Page: WH12

Our choices directly affect our health

By Special to the Democrat | From Page: WH14

They’re NOT your mother’s hearing devices!

By Marshall Medical | From Page: WH17