Billingsley’s Bullets: Just call me ‘Slim Bob’

For the first time in my life, I have made a serious commitment to losing 30 pounds and to maintaining a slimmer body.

I am a little past the half-way mark, and my eating habits are dull and effective. Presently I don’t look forward to eating, and I dream daily about glazed old-fashion donuts.

Clothes fit more comfortably, and I like my mirror more. I’m faster on the tennis court, and I seem to laugh less.

• In her book, “The Joy Factor,” Susan Smith Jones, Ph.D., wrote the following advice: “Living our best life means appreciating our magnificent bodies. The body is sacred, a temple of the living, loving spirit and therefore deserves reverence. Treat yourself with respect. Don’t wait until you are sick, to recognize the miracle of your body.”

• This diet boils down to the question, am I willing to put my health and looks before my appetite? Will common sense replace my nonchalant eating habits?

• To tolerate my dull, present eating habits, I am visualizing being thinner, and I meditate about having the Great Spirit walk with me on this boring journey. Monika is a great cook, and preparing the dull food called for in the diet is a chore for her, too.

• It has been 20 days since I changed my diet, and I have lost 16 pounds. I am also more edgy temper wise, and seem to have less energy. Monika’s patience with my present temperament may determine if I succeed or not.

•Perhaps I am just looking for any alibi I can create to enjoy eating again. Let’s see how the next 20 days go. I asked Monika when she thought I should end the diet, and her answer was, “Yesterday.”

• My pal Frank Wallace has perfect, thick, immaculately groomed hair. All of us male tennis players hate his hair. During a recent tennis match, Frank rubbed his sweaty hair with a towel, and to make matters worse, he spiked his hair with his fingers. As he approached our spectator’s section, people began to panic. Ladies grabbed their grandchildren and ran for the exit. Two men picked up their dogs and fled the scene. A teenage girl cried out as her grandmother covered her eyes. When I saw Frank’s spiked hair, I was positive that at least a misdemeanor had been committed, but I wasn’t sure if I could arrest him or not.

Finally Frank showed mercy to those of us remaining in the stands and put his baseball cap on. None of us will ever be the same!

• I recently read an article that reported for $3,000 mourners at the Alta Mesa Funeral Home in Palo Alto can have their loved one’s remains converted to a quarter carat diamond. Mourners send a cup of the cremains (ashes) to the Life Gem Company. It takes up to a year to convert the ashes to a diamond. This keepsake diamond can be worn or placed on a shelf at home.

If your wife tells you that she wishes you would have bought her a better wedding diamond ring, you’d better change your ways before you become her new diamond!

• A smart friend of mine recently told me that rigid, uptight people are the world’s biggest problem. She felt that rigid people are totally unable to change their attitudes and their beliefs. Rigid types have no capacity to entertain any suggestions that do not fit into their small world. They view compromise as a sin and a weakness.

• Somehow I think these rigid types feel that any questioning of their beliefs is an insult to them. They also believe that anyone who disagrees with their life positions just doesn’t know better or is naïve. They think that moderates are traitors.
These rigid robots now occupy the state and national political parties. Budgets do not get passed, and anger is more important than accommodation. I believe compromise should be the art of politics. Unfortunately, we don’t seem to have any artists left in politics!

Bob Billingsley is a columnist at the Mountain Democrat. His column appears bi-weekly. 

Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.

View all my stories Email Me