Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Billingsley’s Bullets: Keeping hate alive is stupid

From page A6 | December 20, 2013 | 4 Comments

I believe that unique holiday presents are often better than any material gift you give or receive.

Giving up hate you have for someone would be a great gift to the one you hate and for yourself, too.

• When you hate someone, he/she knows it and it bothers and upsets him/her. He/she may say, “I don’t care what this person thinks about me,” but, in reality, he/she does care. I don’t know anyone who is OK with being hated. If you give up your hatred of this person, you are practicing kindness in a very profound way.

• By dropping hatred of someone, you are benefiting yourself, too. When you hate someone, he/she owns an important part of your inner peace and happiness. Every time you see him/her or hear his/her name, it upsets you. Your jaw gets tight, and your stomach acts up.
When you talk to someone you hate, the relationship usually gets worse. Do not allow someone else to determine your inner peace and joy. Talk to him/her after you let go of your hatred.

• When you learn to control your inner experience and thoughts, you are well on the way to living a happy life. You, not outside resources, are the shot caller.

• Let your hate go. There is nothing about hate that is worth hanging onto. Let go of the hatred and move forward. It’s never a good idea to walk around with anger boiling inside you. The more anger you get rid of, the more happiness you create for yourself and others. When you dump your hatred of someone, you become a hero in the “Kindness Hall of Fame” and you feel more relaxed, less angry and willing to move forward.

• I am not sure if you can drop hatred in a “cold turkey” decision. Perhaps it’s better to drop it, a day at a time, for a few weeks, then months, and eventually forever. It’s not so important how you let go of hatred. It’s very important that you abandon it … beginning today.

• A very nice holiday gift would be to create more quiet time for yourself and for your family. Get away from noise as often as possible. Create quiet time at home by turning off the radio, TV, telephone, cell phone, etc., at least a couple of hours daily. Teach yourself and your family how to meditate or pray to start the day.

• Take occasional trips to quiet places, such as the woods, the beach or even the desert. Turn off the car radio and other electronic devices as you travel. It’s a lot easier to create inner happiness in a quiet environment. Outside noise interferes with trying to empty your mind and entertain thoughts of “who am I really, and what do I want from life?”

• To really find out who you are now, it’s a good idea to forget everything you believed about yourself in the past or recent past. Start all over with this moment. Eliminate old scripts that others taught you about yourself. Don’t allow those old scripts to determine your present thoughts. Once you dump the old, you are free to discover the present you.

• To discover or create your new, present self, you have to forgive yourself for past mistakes and let go of old guilt. Let go of the old mistakes. If life is to be fair, allow yourself justice by paying only once for each mistake. Get over the mistakes and move towards the new adventure of creating “right now” inner peace and comfort. Make happiness your holiday gift to yourself. You deserve it!

Bob Billingsley is a columnist at the Mountain Democrat. His column appears bi-weekly. 

Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.

Discussion | 4 comments

  • Excuse meDecember 20, 2013 - 6:51 pm

    Excuse me Bob but other than hearing things over a fence and writing about it. You believe that you are an expert on this subject that you elected to write on your own free choosing how exactly?

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Still tryingDecember 20, 2013 - 7:24 pm

    Excuse Me ......... Honest introspection is one of the essentials in beginning the journey away from the destructiveness of hate. At a guess, Mr. Billingsley may have taken the trouble to have a good look, both at himself and at those around, leading to some useful conclusions. Nothing to lose, except your hate; lots to gain. Give it a try. Happy Holidays.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • Excuse meDecember 21, 2013 - 11:11 am

    Still trying i.e. Billingsley, Your assumptions of his conclusions are useful to who and how exactly? For someone to give unsolicited advice as to one's mind set I would, at the very least, need to know what that solicitor's credentials are exactly. And by the way you are the one who sounds hateful. If as you say it's self introspection, than maybe you should have said that instead of lumping all of us in your malaise. Sometime one can give too much information on one's self.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
  • EvelynDecember 21, 2013 - 2:07 pm

    Bob Billingsley: Thank you for your thoughtful column.

    Reply | Report abusive comment


Motorcycle fatality in Greenwood

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A1

Greenwood School being restored

By Rebecca Murphy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Cal Fire increasing staffing, hiring

By Cal Fire | From Page: B1

EID restricts watering days

By Michael Raffety | From Page: A1, 13 Comments

Lover’s Leap fall injures man

By Tahoe Tribune | From Page: A1

EDH Fire Dept. annexing Latrobe

By Noel Stack | From Page: A1, 7 Comments

Tea Party meeting April 17

By Tea Party Patriots Of El Dorado Hills | From Page: A3, 62 Comments

Town Hall Meeting on Underage Drinking May 1

By El Dorado Hills Community Vision Coalition | From Page: A6

Floating body not a body

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A7

Old mill a goner

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: A11, 18 Comments | Gallery



A great big thanks

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

Murder? Suicide?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 8 Comments

‘Drive Clean’

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 4 Comments

Middle class getting poorer?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 53 Comments

Real estate lies

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5, 14 Comments



Outside with Charlie: Switch gear

By Charlie Ferris | From Page: A8

Ponderosa volleyball is a family affair

By Jerry Heinzer | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Aussie team makes visit

By Special to the Democrat | From Page: A8

Griz have challenging day

By Mike Bush | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Roundup: April 15, 2014

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery



Men to walk a mile in her shoes

By Center For Violence-Free Relationships | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Runners stampede for Sugarloaf scholarships

By El Dorado County Office of Education | From Page: B2 | Gallery

At a glance: Take aim on fun

By Mimi Escabar | From Page: B2

Team works to fight disease

By Placerville Kiwanis | From Page: B3

COOL School is accepting applications

By Rescue Union | From Page: B4

Band of Miwoks fund mission

By Shingle Springs Band Of Miwok Indians | From Page: B12



Crime Log: March 25-27

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A2

Weather stats 4-15-14

By Michael Raffety | From Page: A2



Numa Edward “Ed” Roberts

By Contributor | From Page: A2

Ronald Russell Rohrer

By Contributor | From Page: A2, 2 Comments


Real Estate




By Contributor | From Page: A10

Flying McCoys

By Contributor | From Page: A10

Speed Bump

By Contributor | From Page: A10

Working It Out

By Contributor | From Page: A10


By Contributor | From Page: A10


By Contributor | From Page: A10

New York Times Crossword

By Contributor | From Page: A10


By Contributor | From Page: A10

Horoscope, Thursday, April 17, 2014

By Contributor | From Page: A10

Horoscope, Wednesday, April 16, 2014

By Contributor | From Page: A10

TV Listings

By Contributor | From Page: A10