Wednesday, April 23, 2014
PLACERVILLE, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Billingsley’s Bullets: Message from Utah

It’s time for my annual Utah trip messages again. I carry my “reporter notebook” with me and jot down signs and bumper stickers during our week’s stay in Utah, such as the following offerings:

• “I took the road less traveled … now I’m lost.”

• “I am not tailgating. I’m drafting.”

• “Believe when it’s beyond reason to believe.”

• “Shirts and shoes required. Bras and panties optional.”

• “Beware … pick pockets and loose women are nearby.”

• “It’s never too late to start the day over.”

• “You’re my Funshine.”

• “Every day is a second chance.”

• “It’s better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho.”

• “Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.” — Babe Ruth

• “Grump’s bar and grill: Thanks for coming in — now eat and get the hell out.”

• “50 isn’t old if you are a tree.”

• “You can’t scare me … I have kids.”

• “Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town.”

• “Being yourself should be OK with you.”

• “Nothing is really lost until Mom can’t find it.”

• “I already want to take a nap tomorrow.”

• “We hope our ship comes in before the deck rots.”

• “Normal in this house is just a setting on the dryer.”

• “Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse.”

• “A woman who is looking for a husband never had one.”

• “Don’t spend your life with someone you can live with … Spend it with the one you can’t live without.”

• “Being normal is being bored.”

• “If you are a full-time pessimist, don’t bother to call me.”

• “Which is more important, table manners or bed manners?”

• “Men think they have better solutions … Women know better.”

• “My goal in life is to be the man my dog believes I am.”

• “Some people call our house chaos. We call it family.”

Bob Billingsley is a columnist at the Mountain Democrat. His column appears bi-weekly. 

Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.
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