Billingsley’s Bullets: Rigid, uptight people not welcome

Recently I completed a self-evaluation regarding the people I have coffee with and the people I hang around with. None of these people are doomsday types, and none are rigid, uptight people.

• Life is too short to spend time with boring people. You don’t learn anything from boring people, and they make you feel stupid, because you are wasting time being with them.

• The older I get, the easier it is to walk away from boring people and boring situations. Walking away gives me more time and energy to be with interesting people. An interesting coffee break can jar loose two or three “Bullet” columns in my head. If you watch me at a coffee break, you may see me jotting a few notes on napkins or on a page I just tore out of a magazine.

• If you want to keep the boring people out of your life, immediately ask them the following questions, and they will leave immediately:

— What are your most intimate thoughts?
— Has anyone ever accused you of being an interesting person?
— Is it OK if I kiss you on the lips before the coffee arrives?
— How about us having a food fight when the pastry arrives?
— Does it bother you that I am not wearing underwear?
— After we finish our coffee, should we tell the boss how stupid his new haircut looks?
— Are you OK with paying for the coffee? You had more fun than I did, so you should pay.
— I feel like crying. Would you hold hands with me while we both cry?
— Is it OK if we divide talking time? You have 60 seconds and I have five minutes.

• It’s a good idea to have a few daredevil friends. They are interesting people, and you cannot predict what they will do next.

• Daredevils allow me to live a vicarious, exciting life in my thoughts and dreams. They create adventures that I am too cautious to actually attempt to do. Vicarious living allows me partial enjoyment without getting hurt or arrested. My fear exceeds my courage. My logic stops me cold.

• I want to thank my daredevil friends for helping me understand that life is too short to be bored for over 28 minutes. Thank you for also inspiring me to take more chances than I normally would. Daredevil friends inspire me to say and do things I would have never considered before I met them.

• I can’t say I really understand what makes a daredevil tick, and I don’t need to understand them. I just need to enjoy their courage. Perhaps, I just envy them?

• All the daredevils I associate with are attractive, intelligent people with a great sense of humor. Keeping these descriptions in mind, please exercise at least a little caution in your life journey. We need you guys to remind us that passion is more important than always playing it safe.

• Recently I watched a couple dance the tango. Afterwards, I felt like the guy should propose marriage to his tango partner. The tango is so intimate and sexy, that it takes my breath away. A marriage proposal seems the least you should do, assuming the dance went OK.

• I like the idea that my mind is basically incorrigible. You can throw all the rules and commandments you want at me, but I will still follow my passion instincts and my desire to be kind to everyone.

• Strong authority figures do not intimidate me, and they have never convinced me to stop being incorrigible.

• Are you incorrigible? If the answer is “no,” you can’t have coffee with me!

Bob Billingsley is a columnist at the Mountain Democrat. His column appears bi-weekly. 

Bob Billingsley

Bob Billingsley writes Heard Over the Back Fence three times a week, keeping his pen on the pulse of the community. He also writes a biweekly column called Billingsley's Bullets, in which he uses “sideways” thinking to make your day a little easier to handle.

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