Wednesday, July 23, 2014
PLACERVILLE, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Home country: Writing Celtic music follows a simple formula

By
February 16, 2013 |

“I believe I’ll write some Celtic music,” said Dud one morning at the world dilemma think tank down at the coffee shop. “I’ve been studying it.”

“I didn’t know you were Celtic,” Steve said.

“I’m not, but I do get occasional bouts of depression and that qualifies me. I’ve thought about it a lot. Maybe they sing that way because they don’t have sunsets like we do, or because the horses run around the racetrack the wrong direction. All I know is, after two hours of Celtic music, circus clowns would look at each other and say ‘Why bother?’

“But writing Celtic music should be fairly easy. To start with, just find a girl who has a voice like a mouse caught in an echo chamber or empty septic tank, then you add in some stringed instruments and a flute played by someone whose dog just died. You start out by having the singer say how much she loves the guy despite her condition, and we know what condition that is, right? Those Celts are trying to outnumber the sheep again.

“Then she wails that her father was depressed one day and ran the young man off. He was told not to return until he either had more sheep than the old man or had done something worthwhile, like whittling down the House of Lords or starting a distillery.”

“Isn’t that kinda depressing, Dud?” Doc asked.

“Of course. That’s the whole point. Then she wails that Mr. Wonderful became an outlaw and wandered freely, thinking only of her until he was either shot by some English guy or inflicted on Australia. And that’s why, as soon as she finishes this little ditty, she’s off to drown herself in a loch.”

The gang shook their heads.

“There is some variety, though,” Dud said. “Sometimes she’s expecting twins. Sometimes her beau is attacked by sheep. Sometimes he sails away to darkest Cleveland to escape her singing.

But in this depression there is at least a key to the entire culture.”

“How do you have that figured?” said Steve.

“It’s obvious,” Dud said, grinning. “The application of single-malt whisky is to kill the pain, and they raise sheep so they can stick wool in their ears.”

Brought to you by Home Country (the book). See it at http://nmsantos.com/Books/Home/Home.html.

Comments

comments

.

News

 
Heard over the back fence: Attorney to warn about scams

By Bob Billingsley | From Page: B1

Road zone of benefit protester reaches dead end

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Six file for Dist. 2

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: A1

District 2 candidates forum Aug. 14

By News Release | From Page: B1

 
EID ditch customers get relief

By Michael Raffety | From Page: A1

Veterans receive wildland fire training

By News Release | From Page: B1

 
Market data open for local biz

By Ross Branch | From Page: B1

Volunteers clean up national forest

By News Release | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
.

Opinion

My turn: Special interests at EID

By Special to the Democrat | From Page: A4

 
Russian metastasis

By Mountain Democrat | From Page: A4

The Democratic-Chronicles: Not invented here

By Gene Altshuler | From Page: A4

 
.

Letters

Small Farm compromise

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

 
EID and Dale Coco

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

DA hogging Main St. parking

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

 
CAO and staff hiring friends

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

Altshuler’s hypocrisy

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A5

 
.

Sports

Sharks defeat Loomis Basin in season finale

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A6 | Gallery

 
Celebrity golf at Tahoe

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Roundup: July 22, 2014

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A6

 
Dolphins ring up another title

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Dodgeball: Not the national pastime but …

By Shane Theodore | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
.

Prospecting

At a glance: Comets to meteors

By Mimi Escabar | From Page: B2

 
Taste the best at the State Fair

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Tractor Supply Store recognized

By Uc Cooperative | From Page: B3

 
Amador Fair honors cowboys

By Amador County Fair | From Page: B3

 
Arbor Day book helps to identify trees

By Arbor Day | From Page: B4

 
Learn about lavender and its many benefits

By Christian Women's Connection | From Page: B4

Lee’s Feed appreciates customers

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B5

 
My Time meeting in August

By Senior Day | From Page: B5

Builders’ Exchange honors scholars

By El Dorado Builders' Exchange | From Page: B5

 
En garde at Silver Screen Classic

By Auburn Silver Screen | From Page: B5

.

Essentials

Weather stats 7-22-14

By Michael Raffety | From Page: A2

 
Crime Log: July 8-10

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A2

.

Obituaries

Walter Vali

By Contributor | From Page: A2

 
Jean Lachelle Taylor

By Contributor | From Page: A2

Arthur J. Funston

By Contributor | From Page: A2

 
.

Real Estate

.

Comics

Flying McCoys

By Contributor | From Page: A8

 
Speed Bump

By Contributor | From Page: A8

Tundra

By Contributor | From Page: A8

 
Horoscope, Thursday, July 24, 2014

By Contributor | From Page: A8

Horoscope, Wednesday, July 23, 2014

By Contributor | From Page: A8

 
Working It Out

By Contributor | From Page: A8

TV Listings

By Contributor | From Page: A8

 
Shoe

By Contributor | From Page: A8

Sudoku

By Contributor | From Page: A8

 
Rubes

By Contributor | From Page: A8

New York Times Crossword

By Contributor | From Page: A8