Friday, April 18, 2014
PLACERVILLE, CALIFORNIA
99 CENTS

Take my word for it: Happy Mother’s Day to my spouse

By
From page A4 | May 08, 2013 | 1 Comment

There’s a debate brewing in my household. It’s between me, one of those guys who hates buying a bunch of outlined gifts shown on commercials for Valentine’s Day — flowers, chocolates, jewelry — simply because I’m told to by society, and my wife, who appreciates that said society forces men to show their appreciation on such “holidays.” We can’t agree on who is celebrated on Mother’s Day. While I was under the impression it’s a day to celebrate your mother, my wife thinks it’s for spouses too.

“Why do you think I make such a big deal out of Father’s Day for you?” she asked. She has a point.

I won’t use the excuse that men think differently than women. That never ends well. While I’ll still fight against commercialism dictating that we buy lavish gifts to show our appreciation, I can’t argue that my wife doesn’t deserve gratitude on Mother’s Day. But it took some thinking about it objectively to realize just how much.

During our debate, which I lost, by the way, I focused solely on societal pressure. I try really hard in life to live at my own pace, make my own rules when I can and find comfort and satisfaction where there’s usually pressure. It’s my path to contentedness — focus on my family, not on keeping up with the Joneses. It’s served us well, I must say.

Every once in a while, though, I have to step back and realize others are on this path, and their needs might not be the same as mine. And if it irks my wife that her same-aged co-worker received a gift on Mother’s Day while she is busy helping me buy my mom one instead, I need to pay attention to that, right?

So I took a step back and tried to walk in my wife’s shoes. In doing so, I remembered the days — nights actually — that she gave birth to my daughters. I was surprised with the specific detail I could recall from those experiences, when I often can’t remember things I’ve said and done only a few weeks prior. In vivid detail I remembered the shape of my eldest’s head right after birth and the way my youngest breathed when she slept that first night. I remembered the “bed” I slept on overnight in each room, more than once being a love seat or chair I hung over the side of like a clock in a Salvador Dali painting. I even remember what I wore — I still have the “Gonzaga Bulldogs Basketball” t-shirt I had on in the hospital during both births, which wasn’t intentional.

But most importantly, I remembered the way my wife looked at me as she held each child for the first time. The strain from pushing a kid out was still on her flexed forehead, but her tears of physical pain had shifted to tears of joy, and the mixture of them both made her beautiful face glisten under the hospital room lights. She looked at me like she was pleasantly surprised by what rested on her chest and thankful that we made it through it all together. I gave her a kiss each time and told her I was proud of her, and it was true.

If I can remember such things as a guy coaching from the sidelines, what can my wife remember as the quarterback in the game? Mother’s Day probably brings back memories of contractions for half a day, labor for an entire night and no sleep for several months (or years, really). She can probably distinctly remember each child’s first cry, their birth weight and dimensions. And she definitely remembers what it was like carrying them both for nine months — the heartburn and endless Tums, the cravings for popcorn and coffee-flavored ice cream at all hours of the night and the magical feeling of something coming to life inside of her.

I realized it’s no wonder she feels the need to be a part of Mother’s Day. Her children are too young to show the appreciation my siblings and I will show my mother, and on top of that, her experiences of motherhood are not only still fresh in her mind (the youngest only being 19 months old), but her job as a mother is still ongoing. Her kids haven’t moved out of the home and started families of their own, they’re still waking up in the middle of the night crying, learning how to put words together (my youngest) and discovering ballet for the first time (my eldest). The joys and sorrows of motherhood are essentially in full effect right now.

I wish I could retract my side of the debate the other night. My points, while valid, really don’t matter in the scheme of things. There I was trying to make a point about how I care about my family first and not what society tells me to do, and I’m neglecting the most important member of it because of it. Shameful.

So I accept my defeat graciously because my wife is right. Every mother deserves to feel special on Mother’s Day, and it’s our job as children and spouses to ensure that happens.

Patrick Ibarra is the managing editor of the Mountain Democrat. 

 

Patrick Ibarra

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | 1 comment

  • Leigh TurpinMay 08, 2013 - 4:52 pm

    I must say Patrick as your Father-in-law you are learning just fine. Proud of you.

    Reply | Report abusive comment
.

News

Goodbye LUPPU, hello LRPU

By Chris Daley | From Page: A1, 2 Comments

 
Past due state taxes bring arrest

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A1, 8 Comments

 
Sanford trial: Prosecution, defense rest

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Woman, dog back from Oso

By Wendy Schultz | From Page: A1, 7 Comments | Gallery

 
 
 
DA candidate to remain on ballot

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: A9

Dog talk with Uncle Matty: Benji and the Bickersons

By Matthew Margolis | From Page: A10

 
CPCSD seat unfilled

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: A14, 1 Comment

Lew Uhler backs Ranalli

By News Release | From Page: A14, 5 Comments

 
.

Letters

District 4 candidate

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7, 8 Comments

 
Open meetings

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7, 5 Comments

Volunteers and homeless camps

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7, 22 Comments

 
Bicycle events and traffic control

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7, 5 Comments

Evacuation

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7, 3 Comments

 
.

Sports

Savannah Stephens can swing the bat

By Jerry Heinzer | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
King of the West roars into Placerville

By Gary Thomas | From Page: A11

First and goal: Bunt etiquette

By Mike Bush | From Page: A11

 
Oak Ridge suffers tough 2-1 setback

By Mike Bush | From Page: A11

Jennings wins national title

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A11, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
Roundup: April 17, 2014

By Democrat Staff | From Page: A12 | Gallery

.

Prospecting

Plantastic sale this Saturday

By Dawn Hodson | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Spring art brightens government center

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Things to do: April 18, 2014

By Democrat Calendar | From Page: B2

 
Time out: A grand time at Grand China

By Earle Camembert | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Temple Kol Shalom hosts Passover Seder

By News Release | From Page: B3

 
Student art featured for Third Saturday

By News Release | From Page: B3

Promenade in high style

By Historic Old Sacramento | From Page: B4

 
Sac State Presents ‘Gypsy’

By California State Unversity, Sacramento | From Page: B4

Friday nights are engaging at the de Young

By Fine Arts | From Page: B5

 
Hats On For the Kids raises money for children

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B6

See what is inside the vault

By Center For Sacramento History | From Page: B6

 
Eggstravaganza

By Fairytale Town | From Page: B6

Gallery tips a hat to Dr. Seuss

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B7

 
Museum presents ‘Diesel Days’

By California State Railroad Museum | From Page: B7

Engagement: Adam Frega and Wednesday Bienusa

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B8

 
Duty: Air Force Airman Brian Polk

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B8

Cal Stage presents a season of challenging productions

By California Stage | From Page: B8

 
Duty: Army Pfc. Kyle W. Beasy

By Democrat Staff | From Page: B8

KVIE calls for artists

By Kvie | From Page: B9

 
A Couple of Blaguards tell tales

By Harris Center for the Arts | From Page: B9

America’s ClayFest II celebrates a rich history

By Blue Line Arts | From Page: B14

 
Fine Arts Museums feature two shows

By Fine Arts | From Page: B15

See wildflowers on train ride

By Railtown | From Page: B15

 
Easter at Northstar is family friendly

By Northstar California | From Page: B15

.

Essentials

Crime Log: March 28-30

By Cole Mayer | From Page: A2

 
.

Obituaries

Arthur W. Cornell

By Contributor | From Page: A2

 
Frank “Bud” Kraus Jr.

By Contributor | From Page: A2

Roy Cluness Chaix

By Contributor | From Page: A2

 
Frederick Wilbur Heymann

By Contributor | From Page: A2

.

Real Estate

Faster sales with spring staging

By Ken Calhoon | From Page: HS4

 
Coldwell Banker outsells the competition

Press Release | From Page: HS7

Handsome Redmond suits modern families

Press Release | From Page: HS11

 
Growing your own

By Marni Jameson | From Page: HS14

 
Fraud workshop scheduled

Press Release | From Page: HS21

HCD launches assistance program

Press Release | From Page: HS22, 1 Comment

 
EZ Mortgages Inc. opens Placerville office

By News Release | From Page: HS22, 2 Comments

.

Comics

Speed Bump

By Contributor | From Page: A13

 
Working It Out

By Contributor | From Page: A13

Shoe

By Contributor | From Page: A13

 
Rubes

By Contributor | From Page: A13

Tundra

By Contributor | From Page: A13

 
TV Listings

By Contributor | From Page: A13

Sudoku

By Contributor | From Page: A13

 
New York Times Crossword

By Contributor | From Page: A14

Horoscope, Sunday, April 20, 2014

By Contributor | From Page: A14

 
Horoscope, Saturday, April 19, 2014

By Contributor | From Page: A14

Horoscope, Friday, April 18, 2104

By Contributor | From Page: A14

 
.

Home Source

Faster sales with spring staging

By Ken Calhoon | From Page: HS4

Coldwell Banker outsells the competition

Press Release | From Page: HS7

Handsome Redmond suits modern families

Press Release | From Page: HS11

Growing your own

By Marni Jameson | From Page: HS14

Fraud workshop scheduled

Press Release | From Page: HS21

HCD launches assistance program

Press Release | From Page: HS22, 1 Comment

EZ Mortgages Inc. opens Placerville office

By News Release | From Page: HS22, 2 Comments