Halfway through the debate Wednesday, I realized that I could have spent that 45 minutes out on my back porch watching the paint dry. Heck, I could have just listened to the acorns drop on the tin roof over the porch. I would have felt less violated and probably learned something to boot.
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“The governor’s tax plan will cut $5 trillion in revenue and save millionaires a ton of money,” Obama said.
“Nuh, uh,” Romney said.
“Uh, huh,” the president countered.
“Nuh, uh,” Romney lashed out.
“Uh, huh,” Obama fired back.
“Your policies over the past four years have killed jobs and made people feel sad about America,” the governor challenged.
“Nuh, uh,” Obama asserted.
“Uh, huh,” Romney insisted.
“Nuh, uh,” the president protested.
“Uh, huh,” the governor clarified.
“I’m rubber. You’re glue…” Obama hastened to point out.
“… Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you,” the governor threw down.
“Nuh, uh,” Obama reasserted.
“Uh, huh,” Romney continued.
“Nuh, uh,” the president said with finality.
“Uh, huh,” Romney stated unequivocally.
“Romneycare is way more American than your socialist Obamacare,” the governor blasted.
“Nuh, uh,” the president confirmed.
“Uh, huh,” Romney assured.
“Nuh, uh” Obama reconfirmed.
“Uh, huh,” Romney reassured.
“Obamacare saves seniors a bundle in drug costs,” Obama explained.
“Nuh, uh,” Romney reacted.
“Uh, huh,” the president plied.
“Nuh, uh,” the governor replied.
“Uh, huh,” Obama advised.
“I’ll lay out my plan in five steps. First, second, third, fourth, and finally, fifth,” Romney calculated.
“Nuh, uh” Obama counted.
“Uh, huh,” the governor tallied.
“Nuh, uh,” the president listed.
“Uh, huh,” Romney recalibrated.
“You’re not the real Mitt Romney,” the real Barack Obama scathed.
“Uh, huh,” Romney corrected.
“Nuh, uh,” the president presented.
“Uh, huh,” the governor explicated.
“Nuh, uh,” Obama reminded.
“You suck,” Romney said on the offensive.
“Nuh, uh. You suck,” Obama defended and then charged.
“Uh, huh. Nuh, uh,” the governor unloaded both barrels.
“You have a funny name,” the president threw down the gauntlet.
“Oh, yeah? Look who’s talking,” the governor retorted.
“Yeah, I’m gonna call you Mitt the Twit,” Obama said with a sneer.
“Oh, yeah? Barack the, the, the, um…” Romney said and asked for a little more time which probably wouldn’t have helped much.
“Gentlemen, it’s time for our next topic,” Jim Lehrer interjected in a commanding tone.
“Undecideds” couldn’t help but be swayed by the debate, and my paint dried nicely.
Chris Daley is a staff writer and columnist for the Mountain Democrat. His column appears each Friday.